GOOD GRIEF

I disappear for the weekend, and my ENTIRE FRIENDSLIST EXPLODED INTO HARRY POTTER SPOILERS!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!? IS THIS GETTING BACK AT ME BECAUSE I TOLD YOU ALL ANAKIN BECOMES DARTH VADER?!? THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT??? You are a cruel, cruel world, INTRANETZ! ;_;

I HATE YOU ALL.

I'm now going to completely avoid the internet until I finish reading. Well, I'll pretend to avoid the internet, at least.

Now in revenge, I shall release several of my own spoilers!!! HA!:

BRUCE WILLIS IS REALLY DEAD
GOLLUM BITES OFF THE RING AND FALLS INTO THE FIRES OF MOUNT DOOM
DARTH VADER IS REALLY LUKE'S FATHER

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? I HOPE YOU ARE! I HOPE YOU'RE BLOODY HAPPY YOU LOT OF SCREAMING SPOILERISH KNEEBITERS! SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH ME?

ADDENDUM

People are saying I've brought it upon myself for venturing onto the uncharted wilderness of the internetz, alone and without guide. I plead faith in the innate goodness of my fellow man.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!?

THANKS, GUYS. THANKS FOR RUINING NOT ONLY THE BOOK, BUT MY ENTIRE FAITH IN HUMANITY!

P.S. I STILL HATE YOU ALL. MAY THE GREAT LORD MAUSER HAVE MERCY ON YOU ALL, FOR I WILL NOT!