lawofar18 | MORE FIC?! WOWZ!

wtfsad and I have written YET ANOTHER FIC!

This one's just a little ficlet about... my icon. Yay!

Written for

danceswithelvis ^_^

"ANDERSOOOOOON!!!" Maxwell screamed.

Anderson sighed, dreading stepping into the office. When Maxwell's voice was that high, it usually meant that there was an unsavory mission

"What's wrong, Father Maxwell? Did you get your UNHOLY BITS stuck in your zipper again?" asked Anderson, peering in.

"No, of course not!" snapped Maxwell, turning red. "That only happened once before! Stop acting like I do it all the time!"

Anderson decided not to answer, considering Maxwell had accidents like that all the time, no matter how many times he denied it.

"Well what now?" Anderson said impatiently. "I am not going to help you do your hair again either."

"You suck!" Maxwell pouted. "What I wanted to say was you have a new mission. On another planet. So I was like, who best at Iscariot resembles an alien? Oh, that's right. ALEX DOES. YOU FOO!"

Anderson blinked. He almost called the doctor, but was afraid that he might say it was another one of his hallucinations again.

"Lmlmrlkbrgrkmlrkajror," said Anderson, testing out the situation.

"Quit babblin' and get to work Jimmy D., you only have 24 shizzle bizzle dizzling hours to complete your missoin. You got that, cat?"

"What?"

"SHIZ BIZ NIZ LIZ PIZZLE U HO QUIT YOUR DELIBERITERATERATIONS AND GET GOING GO!"

Anderson turned around and zipped back outside, slamming the door behind him. He breathed heavily, severely disturbed by Maxwell's behavior.

He wondered if Maxwell had been watching late night cable movies about The Hood again. Shaking the horror from his mind, he decided he would call the doctor anyway, if not for himself, maybe for Maxwell who clearly needed it.

"What?!" said Doc, showing up.

"SICK that was fast!" Anderson said, screaming like a little girl.

"Don't you know, all you need is your imagination!" Doc smiled, breaking out into the Willy Wonka imagination song whatever it's called.

"Oh, then I imagine ourselves on our mission." In the blink of an eye, the two of them were in the middle of an empty wasteland of a desert.

"SICK WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" Doc screamed.

"I just did what you told me to do, doctor!" said Anderson, starting to get scared. Was he going to ever do anything right today?

"Nobody ever listens to the doctor! That's why we have learned to say the opposite of what we want our patients to do!" said Doc.

"What?"

"Oh, nevermind. Where are we?"

"In Hell?" Anderson looked around nervously.

"NO! That's the other fic, remember?"

"O TANNENBAUM," sang a random Thomas.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" shrieked Doc.

"SICK MAYBE WE ARE IN HELL!!!!" The poor doctor began running around aimlessly in the wasteland.

"I wonder what our mission is?" Anderson wondered. "Kill Satan?! OMG the Pope would be so proud of me if I did!!!"

"YOU DONT EVEN KNOW YOUR MISSION?!" Doc said in disbelief, running away from the Thomas.

"Usually, I just kill stuff until they make me come back home!" Anderson laughed heartily.

"That's utterly twisted and WRONG!" said Doc, puffing out his chest.

"Well, look who's talking!" huffed Anderson, puffing out his chest back at him.

Stood and glared at each other with their chests sticking out (SICK TESTOSTERONE FEST NO) when a tornado hit them. Actually, it was just a bunch of fangirls.

"VASH!" screamed one of them."

"CASH?" Doc shouted. "WHERE?!"

"LASH?!" Anderson shouted. "NOOO, ANYTHING BUT THAT. I HAVE NOT SINNED TODAY, FATHER!!!"

"WTF Why are you acting so weird, Vash?" a fangirl asked Anderson.

"ARGHSLKDSLAJ!" Anderson screamed, killing everyone. Except Doc, of course, but he wasn't a person anyway. WTF

"WTF," said Doc, offended. "Are you discriminating against me again, Father Anderson?"

"What?" Anderson blinked, wondering if he made fun of Doc's suspenders by accident.

"You never try to kill me!" huffed Doc, being unreasonable like a girly girl on Valentine's Day.

"WTF I didn't know you wanted me to!" Anderson was bewildered.

"I don't!"

"WTF Then what's the problem?"

"I just don't like being discriminated against!" Doc huffed. "It's bad enough that my suspenders don't get the respect they deserve!"

"What?" Anderson blinked. "Am I supposed to kill them too?! ARE THEY ALIVE?!" He backed up nervously, remembering the time he had had quite a fright when his shoes had started talking to him.

Doc rolled his eyes. "I've had enough of you! YOU CAN'T SUPPRESS US FOREVA! DA WHITE MAN SHALL NOT ALWAYS BE OUR OPPRESSORS!"

Anderson stared and stared. "What?? WHAT???" he started to cry, utterly confused.

"JUST MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD," said Doc, laughing. "LMAO I AM SO FUNNEEEEE SOMETIMES"

"WTF," said Anderson, offended. "I HATE YOU!"

"DON'T BE FULL OF HATE!!! JUST HAVE LOVE!" Doc said, repeating what he had learned from the Nader Community. "Now, just breathe in.... feel the positive energy rush through you... you and Nature are one..."

"THERE'S ONLY SAND!!!" Anderson cried, very confused and bewildered and a little bit more confused now.

"This show has been brought to you by Sand! It's everywhere you want to be! So get used to it!" Doc said, grinning at the screen and giving a thumbs up. For some reason, he had to do a commercial because they did not have enough money to fund this fic. WTF.

Anderson ran away sobbing, not listening when Doc called after him. Anderson just ran faster and faster. Soon, he tripped and fell down a hill and rolled and rolled, creating a giant sand ball around him. Even though it doesn't really work that way. WTF?

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP," screamed Anderson, and he crashed into someone's empty room. He looked around to see if anybody was going to attack him (people seemed to like to do that while he was in bad situations) and relaxed when nothing happened.

"What's this?" Anderson asked himself curiously as he beheld a shelf full of shiny new bottles.

"Ooooooooh, shiny," Anderson said, his eyes round and sparkling. Not many people knew this besides all of the Vatican and all of Hellsing and all of Millenium and all the doctors who had ever treated him, but Anderson's weakness was shiny things. He could stare, enraptured, at pretty sparkly things for hours.

Something greater, however, snagged the attention of his senses. Faint, but close by, was the tantalizingly tangy smell of hair gel...

"HAAAAAAAAAAAIRGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL" screamed Anderson, taking the Lord's name in vain and not even noticing it. He snatched the bottle and admired it, and began to apply it to his hair, styling in all sorts of ways that Ryan Seacrest would be jealous of. WTF.

"Tee-hee," Anderson sang to himself, combing and preening at his hair. Suddenly, someone barged in and screamed.

"OMG! MY HAIRGEL!!!" the intruder shouted, barging in.

"SIIIICK!!" Anderson screamed in fright dashing off as the stranger gave chase.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he shouted as they ran around and around in circles, cartoonish clouds of dust whirring around them.

"AMG!!! KNOCK THIS OFF!" Doc shouted, barging in and interrupting their merry(!? WTF) chase by tripping the person who was chasing Anderson. Anderson cried and hid behind Doc.

"Ow!" said the stranger, whining. "You tripped me! That's unfair!"

Anderson peered over Doc's Very Tall Shoulder™ and saw a heap of red coat. "OMG WTF ALUCARD YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE!!!" he screamed leaping on the stranger and pummeling him with his fists.

"WTF WHO?!" said the stranger, muffled.

"BREAK IT UP YOU TWO!!!" Doc roared, pulling them apart.

Anderson and the stranger whined, making their eyes really big and round. Doc rolled his eyes.

"That doesn't work on me!" said Doc, setting them down unceremoniously. He turned to the stranger. "Now, who are you!?"

"I'm Vash the Stampede," came the reply.

"WTF You're not Alucard?" Anderson narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"NO!" screamed Vash. "Does it look like I'm Alucard?!" he yelled, even though he didn't even know who Alucard was. WTF.

"I guess not," Anderson said, bewildered. He glanced up at the stranger's hair. "OMGGGGGGGGGGG SIIIIICK DID YOU STEAL MY HAIRSTYLE?!?!?!?!?!!?!111!!!! ONE!" he shouted. "OMG ARE YOU ANDERCARD?! WTF AM I TALKING ABOUT? HUH?"

"OMG STOP IT!" shrieked Doc. "Stop messing with the plant people, Anderson!"

"OMG SICK!" said Vash, scared.

"WHAT HUH PLANTS" said Anderson, thoroughly confused. He took a stick and poked at Vash's hair instead.

To his great surprise, the stick rebounded off Vash's very stiff hair. "WOW I'VE GOT TO GET AHOLD OF THAT HAIR GEL!" he shouted in amazement. "PLANT PEOPLE?!"

"Plant people are people blessed by the gods to be able to talk to trees, much like George III was," Doc explained, glad to show off his Nader knowledge.

"Umm, I don't think that's quite--" began Vash.

"Hush, don't interrupt me! I am the Doc of Knowledge!!!"

Doc sparkled in the light that suddenly shone from above. WTF. Anderson stared, because Doc was shiny and stuff, and you know how he likes those shiny things!

"Well, I guess I better be going now," said Vash, snatching away his hair gel while Anderson was mesmerized.

Unfortunately, Vash forgot that Anderson's sense of smell prevailed over the shiny stuff. He immediately took off after Vash, arms outstretched, while Doc continued to boom everything out in great voice while a choir chorused around him.

"OMGGGGG HAIR GEL!!!" Anderson wailed, running after Vash. Unfortunately, the prey was much faster than the hunter, and Vash soon managed hide in a bar. Anderson, losing Vash from his sight, sat down in the sand and wailed in sackcloth and ashes.

Doc approached the sobbing Anderson, and procured for him an even better hairgel from the heavens - THE HAIRGEL OF THE GODS, and handed it to him with a holy light and chorus hovering about him.

"Woooooooooooooooooooooow..." said Anderson, his mouth and eyes a big round O like they seemed to be often nowadays. He knelt slowly in the sand. He was not worthy! Or maybe he was. Timidly, he took the hairgel into his hands and put his forehead against the back of Doc's wrists as if Doc were the Pope or something. However, he accidentally dropped the hair gel onto Doc's hands, which immediately froze.

"Uh oh," Anderson said. "Teehee."

"Thanks for ruining my holy giving mood!" scowled Doc. The lights disappeared and the music stopped. But Anderson didn't care because he had his hairgel.

"Once it becomes legal, I'm going to MARRY this stuff!" sighed Anderson.

"WTF," said Doc.

THE END I DONT KNOW LOL